Friday, May 15, 2009

Attempt at Fiction....dont know which number :P

“Mama! Mama!!” little Radha screamed. “Mama, please don’t leave me…please!”
“I cant Radha, I have work to do! You stay here with aunty, you will be fine. I can’t be with you all the time! Don’t make it so difficult everyday!!” Shweta announced in a stern voice. Radha kept screaming and crying. Shweta did not have the time to turn back, she would miss her train!

Two Years Later,

“Bye sweetie!” Shweta smilingly said to her daughter. Radha dutifully said, “Bye Mama!” The next moment Radha was busy playing with her friends. Shweta called again, “Radha dear, stay well, I will come soon to pick you up! We will have ice cream in the evening! What say?”
“Okay Mama!” Radha said, while she was engrossed in dressing her Barbie doll with her friends. Shweta headed for the road, with tears waiting to fall from her eyes, she looked back, but Radha was no where in sight!



As Shweta walked away, she did not care about her train, just wished that her daughter would be a little sad to see her go!

P.S. Its my first attempt, I might be really going wrong :P Your are welcome to criticise!! :)

27 comments:

sawan said...

priorities change, so does emotions!! well penned Aditi.. Good day to ya :)

sawan said...

me first!! yey :)

Aditi..............:) said...

Sawan,

Yeah thanks mate!

Arv said...

The fiction is nice... good plot :)

y call it a 55 fiction? its a well written short fiction :)

take care mate... cheers...

Abhinav said...

# above
may b its Bachpan fiction of not 55! :)

Velu said...

Nice work Aditi.

But I agree with arv up there. 55 fiction is usually written in 55 words or less. Check it up on wiki for full information. I had given a link to it a few weeks back on my blog. Check out vin's blog. She writes some good f-55. Also I am trying to write some some these. Do visit my blog and drop a line about what you think.

Cheers,
Velu

Aditi..............:) said...

Arv,

Thanks for you always encouraging comments!! :)

Aditi..............:) said...

Abhinav,

Point taken!!! :)
But at least let me know if you enjoyed reading! :P

Aditi..............:) said...

Velu,

Arreh I tried to visit ur blog today, but some problem! I ll check again! Thanks for the info....i changed the name of the post....abhinav se dar ke!! hehehe :P

Rushabhh Gandhi said...

Nice Aditi....
You will make the punching lines towards conclusion with more stories...

Vinnie said...

Hey sweetie:) this was nice..i could relate to it..my little niece was stuck to me all the time n miss me badly in my absence...lekin..some years later i was replaced with her teddy bear :(

very nice for a first attempt...keep going girl!

ANWESA said...

ah!sometimes we take things for granted and then one day.......
a touching piece!

Aditi..............:) said...

Vinnie,

Thanks dear...yeah I am going to keep writing like this...learning from the master you see...you!! :)

Aditi..............:) said...

Rushabh,

Thanks a lot! Thanks for dropping by my blogspace...:)

Aditi..............:) said...

Anwesa,

True.....!
Thanks :)

AS said...

accha hai yaar !

:)

Aditi..............:) said...

A S,

Thanks! :)

Chronicwriter said...

i will marry her..

nic work aditi

chriz

Aditi..............:) said...

Chronicwriter,

lol...:) thanks!

MultiMenon said...

chriz,--she jus said she doesn like men who are way too old for her.. :p

Aditi,--That was very nice..Yeah arv was rite,it ain't a 55 fiction after all..Looking forward for more from ur side.. :)

Btw,I've got something for u in ma space.Check out the post dated 19 may.. :)

Take care.. :)

Nikhil

Aditi..............:) said...

Nikhil,

Thanks for dropping...i guess after a long time! :)

I ll check your post now!

neeraj_only said...

first attempt and rocking....

this happens when we want one thing at one time and completely different thing at other time.

ki said...

LOVE the contrast :)

Aditi..............:) said...

Neeraj,

Thanks bro!! Yeah I agree to your opinion....

Aditi..............:) said...

Ki,

Thanks dear for dropping by my blog, hope you had a nice time! :)

Bala said...

Hey Aditi,

Gud attempt !
It is very touching 'n poignant...

Just landed in ur blog by chance...
But like ur blog...

Keep inking ur thoughts !

Cheers!
Bala.

Aditi..............:) said...

Bala,

Thanks for dropping by.....I will visit your blog soon..:)