Saturday, October 15, 2011
I have been thinking about writing the first post after becoming a mother since a few days. Have deleted two posts already because they did not feel right. They did not have the right words, the right expression to describe this phase, this feeling...finally with this third post I guess I am pretty close to what I want to say.
Since I have brought my little angel home, I have been spending a lot of time in my bedroom....I am busy tending to Evan's needs at all times. Today while making him sleep something struck me like lighting. I was looking outside from the window and it was raining very heavily. The window of my bedroom has been entertaining me, refreshing me and mesmerizing me whenever I have been too tired from the fatigue. This window has been a channel through which I look into the outside world. Its my secret path to think outside the bedroom for a little while, get connected to the world which for the time being is not available to me. While these thoughts were rolling into my mind..I realised that "I am the window to my baby boy's world". He will see what I show him, he will feel what I let him feel...I determine everything that he will be in the future. And it was such an incredible feeling. He is like the softest clay and I have to mould him, also spoil him at times. But surprisingly this thought did not scare me...it gave me immense happiness.
For now he is busy looking at the fan and conversing with the curtains and the tubelight...he now smiles and even laughs at times. As parents we both are enjoying this phase to the fullest!
Evan has given birth to a new "ME" and I cant wait to explore myself as a mother. Sometimes I cant believe that he is all mine! He is and will be the apple of my eye forever! Love you my baby!