Sunday, February 21, 2016

Deja vu

Today was Arin's weekly check up at the pediatrician. So we hurriedly got ready. My mom and I packed all the things we might need along with some we knew we wouldn't need but carried anyway (you know how mommies think! Fine. Over think!) Evan tagged along with his water bottle and a couple of toys. We boarded the car. Evan settled at the back seat along with my mom. Arin was peacefully sleeping on her lap. I loaded all the stuff on the seat beside me and switched on my GPS. As I drove with the American lady guiding me through the chaotic roads of Ahemdabad I started enjoying , to my surprise. It was an half an hour drive amidst the indisciplined and honking city. Not very enjoyable for a regular commuter. But for me it was. I realised that today, only when I was behind the wheels after a long time. I was about to turn 18 when I kept pestering my dad to teach me to drive. He did. And since then I have been overjoyed to drive. I love it. Because my dad was out of the country for many years after I turned eighteen I got the car solely for myself. My brother was still young and my mother was never fond of it.I remember how I had convinced my mom to let me go alone once and how she had been scared to let me. But once she was confident of my driving skills she always praised me. If I ever got the golden chance of dropping someone to their home or picking someone up I would be thrilled. After Amit and I started seeing each other I would pick him up and we would switch places. That was the time I enjoyed being a lady and let him drive. But the secret was and still is that I love to drive alone. I love myself the most when I am driving. I feel a sense of confidence and pleasure. I love to check myself in the mirror once in a while...play songs and sing along in a loud voice....smile at myself if someone is staring at me in wonderment. I enjoy it More because there is no anxiety at all. I feel totally in control of myself. All these feelings surfaced again today while I was taking my little one to the doctor. What a rare co - incidence! Though I had so much in my mind when I began my drive in no time it made me forget all of it and focus on the road and on myself. I was a different person. I was a girl long forgotten by me. If a drive to the doc can give me so much solace then what would a drive without any purpose do? That idea has kicked in now and am sure going to find time to do it before I travel back to Singapore.