Being a parent

Before falling asleep it’s a ritual my mind follows without being told. It brings in some thoughts for me to chew upon till I finally slip into my deep sleep. I always remember Chetan Bhagats statement in his novel Two States that some people have to shut down fifty windows of thoughts in mind before falling asleep. I am one of them most obviously. Last night my mind chose to think about my parents, not only my parents but also about being a parent. What does it actually mean? What it should mean? Since having Evan I have wanted to do the best I can do so that he is happy, cheerful and healthy. But I keep asking myself, is this enough? Am I doing enough? Am I overdoing it? At such moments I immediately think about what my parents are for me. That helps me realize the answers for my questions. Time has changed. It always does. That’s like the ground rule, isn’t it? But the emotions, the affection, the respect, the warmth, the principles, the friendship and most importantly the love in this most unique and natural relationship will remain unchanged. What determines the success of this relationship is the proportions of all the above in right measure. Not all parent – children relationships are a success. By success I mean whether there is love and respect or only fear, whether there is care and warmth or only duty, whether there is fun and laughter or only rules. These aspects decide whether the relationship is a success or not. For me my parents are my pillar of strength, by that I mean when my mind is emotionally imbalanced, one phone callto them makes it alright. When I am worried about something, one message from them can make my attitude positive. When I am extremely happy I realize that they are happier than me for me. I cannot beat them at that. Whenever I have asked for anything, I have always received hundred times more. But the most magical fact about my relationship with them is that no matter how much they give they do not spoil me. They never preach what they don’t practice. That’s speaks volumes. I had read a quote somewhere that – Children don’t listen, they observe. I guess my parents never had to be told this. They already knew. When you strive to be a good parent, you become one. But it is most definitely a conscious effort you have to make every day. No one can replace a parent. No one can love as much. No one can care as much, except your own children. But only if, you succeed at making them feel all that you felt about your parents. At times when I lie down with Evan to make him sleep he gently cuddles me, rolls his palm on my back as if he is taking care of me too and that is when I taste the success in my relationship as a mother. As the night darkens, the chaos in my mind is replaced with a soothing humming sound and I fall asleep.