License to parenting

Today having a baby is a huge affair. From the websites which update you about the weekly progress of the LO growing inside you to the maternity photo shoots. Having a child is a decision to make and not a natural process for a married couple unlike before. So it is celebrated in a fancy kind of way. Once you know you are going to have a baby ....the celebration begins with the way you tell your parents...cousins...friends and relatives ...followed by continuous debate and discussions with your friends who are pregnant along with you...then comes the grand photo shoot where you pose with your husband and make memories for a lifetime. There are some things which I dislike but come hand in hand with pregnancy today. How much weight you gain while expecting is a topic of discussion for everyone you know. No one is ever really happy with how much you have put on. It is either less or more. Anyways the reason behind this post is not discussing pregnancy but highlighting parenting. The question is do we celebrate parenting as much as we celebrate being pregnant? Do all of us understand what it really is? I am no god but I am a mother and I have my mind in place. Since I have come to India for delivery I have seen all kinds of parents. Not that Indian parents living abroad are more sensible than parents in India but they are naturally well behaved and carry the civic sense. What hurts my heart terribly is that being a parent is taken so lightly. Kya farak padta hai are the most dangerous words a parent can utter and it seems to be the motto here. A sensible parent should be able to teach his/her child basic keys to living a healthy and harmonious life. Parenting is reduced to clicking selfies with your child with a pout! Important habits that have to be embibed in the child from the age of two to three years old are conveniently ignored. I see parents throwing garbage on the road...a father spitting his lungs out in front of his son....kids wasting water like they create it themselves....just today morning I saw a girl holding a big piece of thermacol and littering the garden of the complex. What was shocking was her mother was right beside her busy chatting with a friend. I become speechless and feel a sense of shame that we Indians are such ignorant parents. We do not care about our surroundings and so fail to make our kids understand the same. Evan keeps questioning me when he sees waste being thrown on the road and I tell him that even if others do it he should not. I also tell him that he is free to politely tell people doing wrong to do right. There should be a license to parenting. Parent's capability to not just produce a baby but their sensibility to upbring their child should be screened. Otherwise we will have no scope of a better India!

The fuss factor

Recently I have been reading a lot about "working moms" and "stay at home moms". Women and mothers from every corner of the world writing about how easy or difficult or challenging or peace giving it is to be what they are. Number of blogs and forums on which this topic is nowadays debated or dissected is surprising to me. When I was a child my mother was a stay at home mom. Its just that I never knew that term. I believed that she was much more than just a person who stayed home besides being a mother. I believed that she was the core star of our solar system. She was the one around whom our livelihood revolved and nourished. She was the life and light of our existence. Even my dad's existence. She was everything but never just a stay at home mom. So frankly speaking I really do hate it when we now refer to mothers who bring up children without earning any money of their own as SAH moms. Likewise...the term working moms is also equally annoying. To define any kind of mother in such cliche words is truly not worthy of what a mother actually is. Adding adjectives or discriptions such as these is itself a bad idea. A mother is a mother. Even if she works to earn her own money or not. Its her choice based upon various attributes that make her life. But what I really want to highlight in this post is that my mother never had a problem accepting that she preferred to be home for us. She never wished to work outside our home. She was happy with her decision and even proud of it. Today I find women complaining about not having the chance to step out to work or not getting enough time with their children. They are caught up in their own decisions. They don't read their own mind well. They are confused because of the society we now live in. They don't know what kind of decision will be accepted by the society. If they happily express that they are glad to be home they will be looked down upon. On the contrary even if they announce how exciting their careers are, they will be judged. This is truly sickening. Why are not we able to live a simple life anymore where there is no fuss about anything.....everyone is just being themselves without pretending. Like our parents lived. When there was no need to prove. I am too caught up in the fuss factor of today's society. But I wish to break free. Do you too?

Finding love

What a feeling it is to be reminded by the husband about our engagement anniversary!! (For a change) because generally this is what women are famous for! Twelve years of courtship. Eight years since getting engaged. Seven years married in a couple of days. When Amit messaged me today to remind me that it is our engagement anniversary I beamed because he remembered. I had not forgotten about it but had missed out on mentioning it to him. Now I am glad I missed. Its not like you love each other more on such special occasions and otherwise love less. It is such days that gift you a joy ride of the wonderfully shared moments that have passed by like a breeze. Each one of us has a cute little story about their relationship and marriage. Every story has friends who helped, parents who supported or some who did not, some strangers that made a difference and some relatives who messed it up! This post is my way of highlighting those fabulous beings who made our relationship happen! First and foremost ...Amit. If he had not messaged me one fine day on my mobile this would not have even begun. Secondly our friend Gullu who suggested Amit to message me causally (Dont know what he was thinking! :) ) That first message was the beginning of our beautiful courtship, the chat was continuous for a couple of months. Then the official proposal happened. I remember telling my parents about it. They were extremely supportive and believed in my choice (without knowing much about Amit and that I was only nineteen then...i dont know how they found the courage to do it!) Gradually Amit became a known face to my cousins too. But my dad was still away. When he arrived months later he even got a new mobile phone for Amit (without meeting him in person). I simply cannot be more grateful to my parents who effortlessly considered him as their son rather than an outsider. Sanket my little brother was a huge help! He would be the peacemaker when I reached home late. He would be my partner in crime. He has saved me innumerable times! ;) Finally when Amit broke the news to his folks, they were equally happy to accept me. (I already have written a post in remembrance of a funny incident that happened when I first met his family) After all the ups and downs like in any relationship we got engaged once Amit got a job and then a year later we married.(less to Amit's amusement and more to my happiness) We have moved so many places, lived in so many houses, shared so many varied experiences...but one thing has always remained constant and that is love. We always found it. Even after a fuming arguement or a silent war, we did find love at the end of it. Now that Evan is the centre of attraction our love has grown manifold. Wishing you a very happy anniversary Amit. Many more to come! Love you.

Sometimes

Sometimes when i feel gloomy, almost without a sight Sometimes when i am upset with simply no might I suddenly become vulnerable to every person and every place I have no enthusiam and find no solace Its like I am falling from a mountain so tall No one to catch me from my frightful fall I almost believe that I have to dwell in this scary scene Just then, come to my rescue my reds and my greens The paper ever so white for me to spoil silly The true form of expression comes out freely My brushes fat and thin wait to get drenched in the colour Splashes and strokes fall down on the plain platter Just then the pen pops its head from the drawer For me to write my heart out and clear out the clutter Sometimes I make sense and at other times I dont The healing lies in the process, not in the result alone The journey to explore the inside of me Only begins when I am down to my lowest key My hobbies and passions always outlast me My true partners in life when its tough to be

The Rainbow effect

It is always heard and said that one should live only in the present. Not ponder over the past or worry about the future. But I believe that some memories of the past are like a rainbow. A rainbow shines colourfully in the sky even when it is sunny and rainy at the same time. Some sweet and sour memories also act as a rainbow in our life. When we are facing new challenges in life, these memories make us smile, assure us that beautiful things do happen too. They give us the hope, place a hand of faith on our shoulder and smoothen the hard realities of life. Such memories should always be remembered. Not only remembered but talked about too. They recreate laughter. They bring back some long lost smiles. Mainly they help us connect to our younger, cooler, carefree version. I always love and cherish the details of such awesome time of the past and that is one main reason behind writing the posts that I do. Tomorrow if I am unable to recollect those, I just need to read my posts and it will all play itself like a video. The times of childhood when Sanket and I fought like crazy demons, when my mom yelled at me for not waking up on time and then skipping breakfast, when my grandfather gifted me my first wrist watch for completing my school, when my grandmother taught me sanskrit shlokas and recited them with me till I could pronounce with accurate precision, when I noticed I was growing up because I no more fought with my dear brother, instead became extremely protective towards him, when I was a helping hand to my mother instead of a troublemaker. The times of adolscence when you were first stared at, or when you liked someone like crazy, when you were teased in school over it by your girlfriends, when you behaved bizzarely but it felt right, when you shared one wada pav with a friend because you did not have enough money, when you let go off a few buses just to get one look of someone special, when you stuck posters of your innumerable heart throbs on your cupboard without caring about spoiling the look of your room, when you behaved like the sky iS falling down on the day your crush got married to someone else, when you imagined fairy tales, made them your own and believed all of it would be true some day! Some memories dont have a photograph to be proven or recreated. They just exist in our mind and heart. You can make them come alive by calling up the person you lived the memory with. Reminiscing the times with that person can be such a stress buster. If the past can give you pleasure and peace then hold it fiercely and remember it in detail. It will always give you the much needed rainbow effect in life. Its up to you how you look at such memories, you always have a choice to change your perspective. You can let them make you regret or make you grin. I choose the latter. What would you choose?

Old is Gold

You are living your life in the most ordinary and normal manner and then comes a moment out of the blue which makes it special, curves your lips in a smile, makes others wonder what you are up to. It can be as simple as listening to a song after ages or someone addressing you with a name you haven’t been called by in a long time. Something of that sort happened to me yesterday while I was crushing fresh cardamom the same way my great grandmothers used to do it. The moment was as if my heart was singing a happy jingle. I was standing in the kitchen of my childhood home. The atmosphere of my mom and grandmother doing their daily chores, then calling me out for a little help. Tasks like peeling off the cardamom, crushing it, crushing black pepper seeds, fetching curry leaves from the backyard, peeling off garlic, grating the carrots for a sweet halwa, peeling off the roasted brinjal were always my duties. I performed all these errands with amazing amount of joy! It made me feel like I was an adult of the house. Other things included, eating one or two basil (tulas) leaves daily for good health, soaking the carrot ends in water and waiting till a leaf sprouts from it, dropping in to my aunts balcony to check over her green chilli and mint plant, watching my granny cut one kilo of lemons for the sudharas (lemon and sugar sweet syrup) to slurp with the rotis, sorting out the pumpkin seeds to cook and relish later and so many many more innumerable memories! Also there was a crow who was a regular in our kitchen, my grandfather used to feed it chapattis or biscuits and it would catch the flying (falling) food in its beak. It was a sight never to be missed. Nowadays life is so easy due to mixers, blenders, food processors and ovens! There were mixers in certain homes back the but it was believed that using a mixer is a more tedious process (LOL). Without instant soups and pastes or without shortcuts like maggi, those were the days when a whole meal was cooked every single day. It was consumed while everyone sat on the cool stone tile flooring. Everyone ate together and it was the best time of my life. Even when I visit my parents today, my mom never fails to make all the lovely chutneys, koshimbirs (salads and raitas), pickles and sweets I love because she is sure that I might not be making them in my own house. But today I made a promise to myself while writing this post that I will continue to make all that even today and never let the recipes and mannerisms of the women of my house slip away. We leave behind so much and at some sudden moment it all comes back like it was just yesterday!

Some things are meant to be

I have always had this unknown sense of attachement towards old people. I have had the best grandparents anyone would ever have and maybe that is why I feel immense love and compassion when I meet any old folks! I love to have conversations with them about their times. I truly believe that their life and their stories of the past can make a positive difference in my present and future! When I moved to Melbourne a couple of months ago, I got one of the most amazing surprise from life. I came to know that an old lady lives alone just below our apartment. I dont know why but I felt this instant attachement with her only by looking at her once from a distance. She was fair and wrinkled. Always smiling and cheerful. I would look out for a chance to start a conversation with her. There is a common laundary room for all the apartments. So we would bump into each other there, or maybe when we would go out for groceries we would see her at a distance. She would smile and I would smile back (beam) and then I would ask her how she was doing, she would ask me how my little one was doing. Thats how it began. Gradually we started talking more and more. Then one day I asked her if she would love to taste indian food. Pat came the reply...why not! She chuckled happily when she said it. I was so glad! One day when I was taking Evan out to the park I spotted her watering the plants. Evan looked at her and exclaimed "Grandma aaji!!" (yes thats what he calls her!) He still cannot speak english and she obviously doesnt understand marathi, but the connection they have made with each other is beyond words. They both are immensely fond of each other! I love to see them bond. As we went near her she dropped the whaterhose reel and smiled. She bent a little looking towards Evan and asked him "Off to the park sweetie?" and Evan replied "Yesss!!" (without understanding what it meant. He says yes when he hears an unknown language!) I asked her " Do you love gardening?" She replied " Oh yes I do! That plant there is rosemary, then that is parsley and this one here is a beautiful smelling flower, I forgot the name. They make perfumes of its scent!" While Evan was playing around our little chit chat was taking place. Then I asked how long she had been living there and she told me that she bought the house in 1984. She had been living there for thirty years! She was from Ukraine and she first came to Australia in 1949. "I was only 16 when I left Ukraine and served the war in Germany. Then I could not go back to Ukraine. I came to Sydney with my sister." When her husband passed away she was left with three daughters aged 8,5 and 8 month old baby. She had the hardest time surviving. She got a job after facing a lot of hardships and kept saving money little by little. She dreamt of buying a house one day, which she did all by herself! I told her that it was very brave of her to do what she did. She smiled as if she did not get me. Maybe because she never believed she was a remarkable woman. Thats the beauty of being truly extraordinary. She told me that she has been a widow for twenty three years. I recieved the shock of my life to know that she was 88 years old. I could not believe her! She lived alone, cooked meals, cleaned the house, bought groceries, watered the plants, dried the clothes, went for X-rays...all by herself! One of her daughter had died just a year ago after being paralysed for thriteen years. She looked after her grandson for her daughter. He is twenty five now and is a proud father of a two month old baby boy. She had the most lovely smile while she spoke about her yougest great grandson! I asked her what his name was and she proudly revealed, "Henry!" Other two daughters lived in different suburbs with their families. "You have a big family! Thats great! We have a big family too back home. Evan keeps missing everyone , he has been among so many people before we came here. But I am glad that he is very attached to you!" I revealed. She gave him a little sumo wrestler shaped stone piggy bank. He was so glad. Then we watered the plants together. It started raining a little so we all rushed in our houses and it struck me that I could have given her some freshly made gajar halwa. I packed some in a jar and rushed downstairs with Evan. With a huge amount of excitement and happiness he handed over the jar to her. He grinned shyly and told her, "gajar halwa ghe, tula avadel" and I traslated it. She secretly asked me if it was okay to give him some lollies and I smilingly agreed. She called us inside her cosy neatly decorated home and offered him sweets. He obliged her instantly! While returning one of my containers in which I had packed her some homemade cake, she said, "The cake was really nice! I had it with some hot coffee." I thanked her and we left. Evan was super happy not for the chocolates that much, but for the piggy bank! I am so honoured to know her, to have these little bits of conversations with her everyday. She leaves me astonished because never does she complain, never has an off mood when she greets us, never has any preconcieved notions. She is confident and independant. Even when she narrates to me her life stories she never boasts about it. She is one hell of a superwoman. She is an inspiration. No matter where you belong, what your skin colour is, which culture or religion you follow, how old you are, you can find an exceptional human being and can connect with them like it was meant to be!