The Rainbow effect

It is always heard and said that one should live only in the present. Not ponder over the past or worry about the future. But I believe that some memories of the past are like a rainbow. A rainbow shines colourfully in the sky even when it is sunny and rainy at the same time. Some sweet and sour memories also act as a rainbow in our life. When we are facing new challenges in life, these memories make us smile, assure us that beautiful things do happen too. They give us the hope, place a hand of faith on our shoulder and smoothen the hard realities of life. Such memories should always be remembered. Not only remembered but talked about too. They recreate laughter. They bring back some long lost smiles. Mainly they help us connect to our younger, cooler, carefree version. I always love and cherish the details of such awesome time of the past and that is one main reason behind writing the posts that I do. Tomorrow if I am unable to recollect those, I just need to read my posts and it will all play itself like a video. The times of childhood when Sanket and I fought like crazy demons, when my mom yelled at me for not waking up on time and then skipping breakfast, when my grandfather gifted me my first wrist watch for completing my school, when my grandmother taught me sanskrit shlokas and recited them with me till I could pronounce with accurate precision, when I noticed I was growing up because I no more fought with my dear brother, instead became extremely protective towards him, when I was a helping hand to my mother instead of a troublemaker. The times of adolscence when you were first stared at, or when you liked someone like crazy, when you were teased in school over it by your girlfriends, when you behaved bizzarely but it felt right, when you shared one wada pav with a friend because you did not have enough money, when you let go off a few buses just to get one look of someone special, when you stuck posters of your innumerable heart throbs on your cupboard without caring about spoiling the look of your room, when you behaved like the sky iS falling down on the day your crush got married to someone else, when you imagined fairy tales, made them your own and believed all of it would be true some day! Some memories dont have a photograph to be proven or recreated. They just exist in our mind and heart. You can make them come alive by calling up the person you lived the memory with. Reminiscing the times with that person can be such a stress buster. If the past can give you pleasure and peace then hold it fiercely and remember it in detail. It will always give you the much needed rainbow effect in life. Its up to you how you look at such memories, you always have a choice to change your perspective. You can let them make you regret or make you grin. I choose the latter. What would you choose?

Old is Gold

You are living your life in the most ordinary and normal manner and then comes a moment out of the blue which makes it special, curves your lips in a smile, makes others wonder what you are up to. It can be as simple as listening to a song after ages or someone addressing you with a name you haven’t been called by in a long time. Something of that sort happened to me yesterday while I was crushing fresh cardamom the same way my great grandmothers used to do it. The moment was as if my heart was singing a happy jingle. I was standing in the kitchen of my childhood home. The atmosphere of my mom and grandmother doing their daily chores, then calling me out for a little help. Tasks like peeling off the cardamom, crushing it, crushing black pepper seeds, fetching curry leaves from the backyard, peeling off garlic, grating the carrots for a sweet halwa, peeling off the roasted brinjal were always my duties. I performed all these errands with amazing amount of joy! It made me feel like I was an adult of the house. Other things included, eating one or two basil (tulas) leaves daily for good health, soaking the carrot ends in water and waiting till a leaf sprouts from it, dropping in to my aunts balcony to check over her green chilli and mint plant, watching my granny cut one kilo of lemons for the sudharas (lemon and sugar sweet syrup) to slurp with the rotis, sorting out the pumpkin seeds to cook and relish later and so many many more innumerable memories! Also there was a crow who was a regular in our kitchen, my grandfather used to feed it chapattis or biscuits and it would catch the flying (falling) food in its beak. It was a sight never to be missed. Nowadays life is so easy due to mixers, blenders, food processors and ovens! There were mixers in certain homes back the but it was believed that using a mixer is a more tedious process (LOL). Without instant soups and pastes or without shortcuts like maggi, those were the days when a whole meal was cooked every single day. It was consumed while everyone sat on the cool stone tile flooring. Everyone ate together and it was the best time of my life. Even when I visit my parents today, my mom never fails to make all the lovely chutneys, koshimbirs (salads and raitas), pickles and sweets I love because she is sure that I might not be making them in my own house. But today I made a promise to myself while writing this post that I will continue to make all that even today and never let the recipes and mannerisms of the women of my house slip away. We leave behind so much and at some sudden moment it all comes back like it was just yesterday!

Some things are meant to be

I have always had this unknown sense of attachement towards old people. I have had the best grandparents anyone would ever have and maybe that is why I feel immense love and compassion when I meet any old folks! I love to have conversations with them about their times. I truly believe that their life and their stories of the past can make a positive difference in my present and future! When I moved to Melbourne a couple of months ago, I got one of the most amazing surprise from life. I came to know that an old lady lives alone just below our apartment. I dont know why but I felt this instant attachement with her only by looking at her once from a distance. She was fair and wrinkled. Always smiling and cheerful. I would look out for a chance to start a conversation with her. There is a common laundary room for all the apartments. So we would bump into each other there, or maybe when we would go out for groceries we would see her at a distance. She would smile and I would smile back (beam) and then I would ask her how she was doing, she would ask me how my little one was doing. Thats how it began. Gradually we started talking more and more. Then one day I asked her if she would love to taste indian food. Pat came the reply...why not! She chuckled happily when she said it. I was so glad! One day when I was taking Evan out to the park I spotted her watering the plants. Evan looked at her and exclaimed "Grandma aaji!!" (yes thats what he calls her!) He still cannot speak english and she obviously doesnt understand marathi, but the connection they have made with each other is beyond words. They both are immensely fond of each other! I love to see them bond. As we went near her she dropped the whaterhose reel and smiled. She bent a little looking towards Evan and asked him "Off to the park sweetie?" and Evan replied "Yesss!!" (without understanding what it meant. He says yes when he hears an unknown language!) I asked her " Do you love gardening?" She replied " Oh yes I do! That plant there is rosemary, then that is parsley and this one here is a beautiful smelling flower, I forgot the name. They make perfumes of its scent!" While Evan was playing around our little chit chat was taking place. Then I asked how long she had been living there and she told me that she bought the house in 1984. She had been living there for thirty years! She was from Ukraine and she first came to Australia in 1949. "I was only 16 when I left Ukraine and served the war in Germany. Then I could not go back to Ukraine. I came to Sydney with my sister." When her husband passed away she was left with three daughters aged 8,5 and 8 month old baby. She had the hardest time surviving. She got a job after facing a lot of hardships and kept saving money little by little. She dreamt of buying a house one day, which she did all by herself! I told her that it was very brave of her to do what she did. She smiled as if she did not get me. Maybe because she never believed she was a remarkable woman. Thats the beauty of being truly extraordinary. She told me that she has been a widow for twenty three years. I recieved the shock of my life to know that she was 88 years old. I could not believe her! She lived alone, cooked meals, cleaned the house, bought groceries, watered the plants, dried the clothes, went for X-rays...all by herself! One of her daughter had died just a year ago after being paralysed for thriteen years. She looked after her grandson for her daughter. He is twenty five now and is a proud father of a two month old baby boy. She had the most lovely smile while she spoke about her yougest great grandson! I asked her what his name was and she proudly revealed, "Henry!" Other two daughters lived in different suburbs with their families. "You have a big family! Thats great! We have a big family too back home. Evan keeps missing everyone , he has been among so many people before we came here. But I am glad that he is very attached to you!" I revealed. She gave him a little sumo wrestler shaped stone piggy bank. He was so glad. Then we watered the plants together. It started raining a little so we all rushed in our houses and it struck me that I could have given her some freshly made gajar halwa. I packed some in a jar and rushed downstairs with Evan. With a huge amount of excitement and happiness he handed over the jar to her. He grinned shyly and told her, "gajar halwa ghe, tula avadel" and I traslated it. She secretly asked me if it was okay to give him some lollies and I smilingly agreed. She called us inside her cosy neatly decorated home and offered him sweets. He obliged her instantly! While returning one of my containers in which I had packed her some homemade cake, she said, "The cake was really nice! I had it with some hot coffee." I thanked her and we left. Evan was super happy not for the chocolates that much, but for the piggy bank! I am so honoured to know her, to have these little bits of conversations with her everyday. She leaves me astonished because never does she complain, never has an off mood when she greets us, never has any preconcieved notions. She is confident and independant. Even when she narrates to me her life stories she never boasts about it. She is one hell of a superwoman. She is an inspiration. No matter where you belong, what your skin colour is, which culture or religion you follow, how old you are, you can find an exceptional human being and can connect with them like it was meant to be!

Cherishing childhood

Did I have a life so fulfilling...so lovely....so positive before I had Evan? No I did not! Its so amazing that your life changes so drastically after you have a baby....you suddenly have more respect for your own mother after you become one. Its truly a blessing to become a mother but at the same time its a real tough job! I remember my childhood as a very happy one and thats only because of my parents.....I am now thriving to achieve that for Evan. Right now he is small, but he will grow up in no time and start forming memories of our moments together....I want them to be pink, all of them! I have so many photos of my childhood....so many recordings of my brother and me saying poems and singing songs ...our parents in the background encouraging us to get closer to the tape recorder...and suggesting to say that one and this one! Its such a blissful experience to hear all of that now. Every photograph I watch with my parents has some incident or a memory carved in their mind....some frock that I am wearing..or the doll I am holding...I totally believe that my life would not have been so beautiful and so carefree if they werent my parents :-) Now with Evan I realised I have it in me to become like them...I have suddenly become so alert to my surroundings....I am constantly thriving to do better than I am doing...I have not felt these feelings ever before in life with so much intensity... At times if I feel depressed due to something....I am upset or I am just not feeling me.....Evan is the one and the only factor who makes mel alright in no time! He smiles with so much care and love that everything else seems purely irrelevant! And I cant even thank him for what he is doing ...so i shower him with kisses....which is again an experince in itself! :-) But I can surely thank my parents, my brother and also my grandparents who have filled my childhood with so much love and warmth that now I am capable to give it all to Evan!

Thane with all it's glory

Though I believe Thane is not the the best place to live on earth...it is one of the most precious places. I have lived here all my life. I love this place to the core! After my stints at staying away from thane began I truly realised its importance in my life. After a stay of two years in Kuala Lumpur I am living thane since past six months. Knowing that I am going to move to some other place very near in the future I am valuing this noisy and colourful city all the more! As I ride my scooty, honk, make a crooked face when there is too much smoke, yell a bad word when someone spits, complain about the pits to myself, blame the government as we all do, forget about it the next moment as I window shop...I realise that all this is fun! Today a fact about this city struck me and made me write this post is that every street has a character and smell of its own. One street smells like wada pav, the next smells like an agarbatti,, the next smells like mogra and then there is one which smells like red mud! There are so many known faces to wave at, there is always a snack to munch on, there is always a shop that I have never been to and a shop I never miss. The transition of Thane at times is disturbing with its ever increasong vehicles and too much crowd. The old bunglows getting demolished to give birth to tall buildings. There is no chanewala, kulfiwala or gajrewala to shout out loud. There are no kids running around barefoot. And yet there is some invisible magnet which holds the goodness and the warmth intact. Some cities are too special for just being places. They are home in the true sense.

With love from Kuala Lumpur

I ventured to this buzzing beautiful city when I was 7 months pregnant. Amit had found a very good job and I was not ready to stay back in India without him. I was headstrong about the fact that I wanted to be around him in all the nine months of my pregnancy. Amit had arranged the house and the hospital for my delivery before he came to pick me up from Mumbai. Our flat was on the 30th floor and it was spacious, the highlight being our bedroom offering us the fantastic view of the Petronas towers. Be it day or night the view always took my breath away. The towers were Evans's favourite too and he was equally thrilled to see them everyday. It rained all year long in KL. At times it was boring when it rained too much, but it was always beautiful! Evan used to be so shocked to see the towers vanish when the clouds engulfed them and rains hid them. Once Evan was of a manageable age we began our sightseeing trips. There was always something to see every weekend. That amazed me. Being born and brought up in Mumbai it was very amusing that a city could offer such a variety of places for nature, leisure, adventure, food, shopping and more. We made some very good friends who made the stay all the more fun. Our grocery shopping was also delightful. The train ride which led to Sogo was enjoyable. Evan was always happy in the train. He would keep pointing to the Petronas and Menara Tower amidst his loud happy screams! Sogo offered everything from pin to piano. It was a very cheerful place. There was one mall just beside our condo and that was such a relief. That mall made me fall in love with Starbucks. Until then Starbucks was just a name. It was yet to be opened up in India. Evan and I would meet Amit at Starbucks when he returned from office and we would share a cold coffee while feeding the topping of cream to Evan. Every evening Evan and I would hang out at the poolside of our condo. It also offered a small play area for kids. Our evening time together was the most pleasureable time of the day. Evan would make himself comfortable on my lap as I would sit on the swing. He made me sing innumerable songs to him and we would wait for Amit(baba) to call us out from behind. The poolside was also the adda for all the weekend potluck dinners and gupshup with friends. Every friday night we would all gather, hog on the food and have so much fun chitchatting with our kids around. The store in the condo owned by a sweet chinese female was always noisy and welcoming. To sum it all up, this was a city which gave me the most precious gift, my son. It made me stronger as a person as it was our first venture out of India. It made me realise that being a vegetarian can be painful at times! I just could not get vegetarian options. Even if I would ask the waiter almost irritatingly if they served any vegetarian food, he would tell me on my face that they offered chicken! lol The last but not the least, I realised that one doesnt love a city because of the beautiful roads or the amazing attractions! The stay is ultimately worth it because of your own family, your own people and the relationships you build with the new people you meet and the places you visit.

Lost in transformation

While touring with my thoughts I reached a place in the past which seemed so unfamiliar to me and I shockingly asked myself, "Is that really me!" Glimpses of my past make me wonder if I have lost myself in transformations. Of course these various roles you play in life make you a better person and make your life worth it. But in that whole process of giving it your best in every relationship, it takes you away from yourself a little bit each time. The real, unfiltered, unpolished and raw version of you hides under layers of transformations. Moreover I feel it happens mostly with women. They try a little too hard to give in. As daughters, as wives and most importantly as mothers. There is nothing sad about it when you do it with love and fulfillment. But at the same time it is also equally necessary that you keep that original version of yourself alive inside your heart and mind. You have to cherish her and have conversations with that "you"! It helps you remind yourself what you love doing, what you hate from the core, what you wish to do, what your dreams are, where your true passion lies...all of this should be treasured very fiercely. So that when life gives you a chance you always know what to do and how to do it! It all comes down to giving yourself the best you can like you give it your best in every other relationship. Love yourself a little more, praise yourself a little more and smile looking at yourself in the mirror a lot more! And then you will get hold of that original amazing version and undoubtedly never let her slip away again!