Maybe a person cant make you change your mind but a song sure can

Today I got the chance to hear some good music while I sat alone (that is very very rare for a mommy) on a bench surrounded by lush green trees around me, soft grass under my feet and blue sky engulfing the Petronas Towers. It felt so good. And the music simply made me realize how important it is in our life. It has the power to make things happen, make life better, make an attitude positive, bring a smile on a frowned face and also make a tear drop down the cheek. I used to listen to songs a lot before having Evan. Humming while I listened was my favourite part. But I have not been doing that often lately. So I miss it big time. But when I do get the chance I make the most of it. Sometimes it helps me amend a decision, at times it makes me stronger than I think I am, at times it just lets me be me, at times it makes me cry, at times it makes me smile ear to ear ....it brings back some good and some bad memories but never does it disappoint me ever! When in life you might be confused and the closest around you are engaged in telling you what is right and what is wrong, all you should ideally do is listen to a nice song! It will guide you in its own way...the lyrics might not always be suitable to your situation but the tune and the melody will help you find answers.

Learning to be what you want your child to be

I keep telling Evan (now he understands some words and tone) not to throw things. I know he will keep doing it for as long as he wants, but I intend to keep telling him because one day he surely will know what I am saying and learn from it. But is this all that simple? Evan's observation is better than mine. He watches us, imitates us then gives us a wicked smile and we laugh! But thats also a scary thing in a way. He will do everything the same way or manner in which we do it. So we HAVE to watch ourselves. Thats so alarming. Our generation is very different from our parents. My mom and dad never woke up late. They never switched on T.V. before they were done with their morning chores and work. They did not have mobile phones/ tablets/ laptops. They never yelled at each other. They ate at home except for times when it was something special and we would go out for dinner. They were not fussy about food. They believed everything homemade is delicious than food from outside.They had a certain pattern, a certain discipline to their lives. Even though I might have felt bored to follow it as a kid, I think it was an ideal way to deal with life. Maybe that is why being a parent is so hyped nowadays. Because couples have to give up so many things now to become capable parents. We have to change our pattern of living when we become parents. Our parents did not have to do that. They were never spoilt in the first place! But we are. Not that we are horrible..haha! But we are not as good as them. Waking up early on a sunday is like suicide to most of us. (I know I am exaggerating) But yes its something we would never want to happen. But it does happen. And you got to live with it with a smile on your face. We are good. But our parents were far better. We were smart but our children are much smarter.

When it feel truly awesome!

If I am to compare my childhood to Evan's childhood I would definitely feel that mine was much better in many ways. As parents we are giving him all that we can like any parents would. But with all this globalization and "It's such a small world!" kind of attitude we have recently developed, things have changed hugely for every one of us. I remember growing up around my big family. My relatives living in the same city and very close by, my family consisting of my parents, my brother and my grandparents. Our house always filled with relatives or friends or cousins. The kitchen always aromatic with tea and yummy food. Doors of each house open and a very soothing kind of atmosphere with familiar noises which were never unwanted. There was always someone at home. There was always sharing of food. Lunch was so much fun with all of us sitting on the floor and eating a surreal meal of poli, bhaji, koshimbir, loncha, chatni, papad, bhat, varan and aamti. I remember I would everyday insist Dada ( my grandfather ) to mix my varan bhat. I still have it carved in my head how he did it in his own special way. He would add a little water and lemon juice. That meal is simply incomparable to any of the meals I have had in ages. Then in the summer season, aamras puri was the most relished and common lunch cooked in all homes. Dada or Baba would lovingly soften the mangoes after washing them. The aamras of god knows how many mangoes would vanish in no time! And after such a heavy meal we would still be ready for a desert which would be again, a mango! What summers they were with mangoes stacked in wooden boxes with hay. The fragrance of the ripe mangoes freshening the whole house. Now we stay away from our family...not all but most us do! With working parents, no grandparents. No matter how much we do we cannot give them what we earned when we were kids. I always feel the need to give Evan what we experienced and I ll strive to do that whenever I can. When I went to Ahemdabad to stay with my parents with Evan it was an expereince in itself. My aaji, and Evan's aaji ajoba were there to pamper us and give us all that we miss when we stay away most of the time. Evan would wake early and go out every morning with Baba to buy milk and come back so happy! Then he woud play with aai, listen to songs sung by aaji. When Baba returned from work he would be energized only by looking at Evan and play with him. When my mother in law came to stay with us in KL, the bond she formed with Evan was also so special. She taught him so many things and he responded so cleverly to everything.The bond that Evan shares with his both aajis and ajoba is so special. I will never let it fade away. Though we cannot stay with them all year long I will make the most of it.Thats a promise I make myself every day. I was lucky to have got the treasure by doing nothing, my parents did that for me. My grandparents are such a huge influence on my life. My passion for writing comes to me from both my aajis. Dada is someone who can give me strength even though he is no more. It really felt AWESOME when I was a child surrounded by my family. I want Evan to feel the same way! :)

Change is not always necessary

I Landed in Mumbai with Evan and my parents; we were greeted by our near and dear ones at the airport. Everyone was super happy to see Evan and his histrionics! On our way home I was constantly feeling the eagerness the see my parents’ new house, of course mine too in a way! The old houses were demolished and a new building stood on the same land. There were two buildings connected to each other, one three storeyed and the other seven storeyed. The builder had promised to retain the names of the building which was a blessing in disguise. The well was now covered and hardly looked like a well. There was concrete everywhere. The trees which were taller than our old house were now belittled by the new building. It was not like I was against demolishing the old house; it was a practical and correct decision, but my heart kept going back to the thoughts of the old house as I stepped in the elevator to reach the third floor where my parents and my brother lived. The new house was neatly decorated to welcome the newest entrant of the family. Evan had been a very good baby throughout the flight, but the journey had been tiring. After a hot steaming cup of tea we were fresh and chit chatted for a while. Evan was keeping me busy but now I had so many helping hands! Finally after the entire hustle bustle it was time to get some rest. After Evan was asleep, I slipped into my space silently. I slept almost immediately. The coming days were as busy as they should be for a new mother. There was more help in India but with a three month old baby it’s always unpredictable! Amidst all this I always kept thinking about living in the old house. I found myself pondering about the good old days. And then I realised that actually nothing had changed much! Of course the physical appearance had changed but most things were similar. While lying down beside Evan one afternoon with my eyes closed I heard sounds of a typical afternoon many years ago…. trains fleeting to and fro, a vehicle passing by once in a while, the sound of the ceiling fan in the quietness of the afternoon when everyone was enjoying their nap. I visualized my dada sitting in the balcony with closed eyes humming a song, aaji lying down listening to him ….my six year brother, annoyed that everyone was sleeping and he had to be quiet, my mother making tea in the kitchen and then the aroma of the boiling tea waking everyone gradually….just as I was in my day dream my mother called out to tell me that tea was ready and I better have it while Evan is still sleeping. I suddenly realised that my brother was now married and even I was a mother of a baby boy! My dada was maybe watching me from heaven and smiling. Aaji was already having tea. It was an overwhelming experience. Even if the time had changed and the look of our house was different, the sound of every afternoon was similar…it made me secure and told me that I lived in the same place with the same people around me…though now we had to ring the doorbell to go to anyone’s house…we still did not have to take an appointment to visit them. My father’s aunt who lived on the second floor was welcome at our house at any time of the day and so were we. Evan’s Arnav dada (my cousin’s son) was a regular visitor to play with Evan. Things will not change if we don’t let them change!L

Motherhood - the best transformation

Evan is fast asleep. Its ME time when he sleeps. But all I do is think about him.Right now while looking at his photographs from the day I was pregnant to this day when I am planning his first birthday party I simply cannot believe my transformation. I am a totally new person. Or maybe I am the same old person with a brand new heart which can love more than it ever knew to love. Last one year has been the best year of my life and the reason is only one, Evan. Evan made me a much much better person than I was. I actually have forgotten what I was like. Motherhood is so beautifully engaging. Every word in the dictionary will fall short to describe what Evan has given to me. What I give him is negligible in comparison to what he gives me. Its a feeling only to be lived and experienced. All those things which I always thought I wasn't capable of ..I could do them efficiently. Every tear of worry turned into a tear of joy. All I ever wished for in life became him. He makes every morning delightful, every afternoon lively and every evening fulfilling. When he is awake and crawling I am busy running behind him. I so wish he sleeps and yearn to get some rest. But when he falls sleeps a little longer I snuggle and kiss him so that he wakes up. I feel like a part of me is in him. Only when he wakes up with a giggle and a sloppy kiss on my cheeks do I come truly alive. Its a godly experience to be a mother. I am falling short of words to describe the right feeling. Writing after a long time more because I dont find words to describe myself anymore. Maybe with time I will.

I am the window to his world...

I have been thinking about writing the first post after becoming a mother since a few days. Have deleted two posts already because they did not feel right. They did not have the right words, the right expression to describe this phase, this feeling...finally with this third post I guess I am pretty close to what I want to say.
Since I have brought my little angel home, I have been spending a lot of time in my bedroom....I am busy tending to Evan's needs at all times. Today while making him sleep something struck me like lighting. I was looking outside from the window and it was raining very heavily. The window of my bedroom has been entertaining me, refreshing me and mesmerizing me whenever I have been too tired from the fatigue. This window has been a channel through which I look into the outside world. Its my secret path to think outside the bedroom for a little while, get connected to the world which for the time being is not available to me. While these thoughts were rolling into my mind..I realised that "I am the window to my baby boy's world". He will see what I show him, he will feel what I let him feel...I determine everything that he will be in the future. And it was such an incredible feeling. He is like the softest clay and I have to mould him, also spoil him at times. But surprisingly this thought did not scare me...it gave me immense happiness.
For now he is busy looking at the fan and conversing with the curtains and the tubelight...he now smiles and even laughs at times. As parents we both are enjoying this phase to the fullest!
Evan has given birth to a new "ME" and I cant wait to explore myself as a mother. Sometimes I cant believe that he is all mine! He is and will be the apple of my eye forever! Love you my baby!

On the brim....

As promised to a friend, I am writing this post. I am blank to be honest...maybe I have been on a break for too long to be able to write again!! :)
I have been occupied as I have been experiencing something very unique. Right now I am on the brim of motherhood. I have seen so many of my friends and cousins swirl beautifully in the role of a mother. Now, I am watching myself. I am loving it.
There are hardly any days left now. I will be soon holding my little one in my arms.
I am so much looking forward to the fragrance of Johnson products refreshing my home! Also looking forward to see the transition of my hubby dearest to a dotting father. For now, he is even scared of the thought of holding our baby in his arms, but I am confident that he will be just fine!

My blog will be about a whole new ME from my next post onwards! :)